Observative TigerRailroad tracks. This is fascinating.
Be sure to read the final paragraph; your understanding of it will depend on the earlier part of the content.
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England , and English expatriates built the US railroads.
Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramway’s, and that’s the gauge t hey used.
Why did ‘they’ use that gauge then? Because the people who built the
tramway’sused the same jigs and too ls that they used for building wagons, which use d that wheel spacing.
Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England , because that’s the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England ) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to mat ch for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever.
So the next time you are handed a Specification/Procedure/Process and wonder ‘What horse’s ass came up with it?’ you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. & (Two horses’ asses.) Now, the twist to the story:
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRB’s. The SRB’s are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah . The engineers who designed the SRB’s would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRB’s had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRB’s had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses’ behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world’s most advanced trans portation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse’s ass. And you thought being a horse’s ass wasn’t important? Ancient horse’s asses control almost everything… and
CURRENT Horses Asses are controlling everything else.
This past weekend I was enthralled with the accompaniment of one of my best friends. With over a month of planning to have one of the greatest experiences of our lives, Jellybean and I set out for the Modest Mouse concert held at the Les Schwab Amphitheater in Bend Oregon. Let me back up a bit…
Its 10am on Sunday morning preceding Memorial Day. I’ve just awoken to that ever annoying alarm clock, preceded by 5 hours of restless anticipation. So with the greatest of enthusiasm, not, I rolled out of bed and started frantically completing the items on my list of todo’s. Fortunately my sister stopped by and gave me the extra elbow grease that brought incomplete bachelor pad all together. I won’t boor you with the exacts of that collegiate sized list, lets just say apparently I had procrastinated far too long on my chores.
Now, its 12:45pm and I’ve had enough coffee to obtain a low level altitude of flight. Trying to be complete but maintain my schedule I move toward the truck, flipping through that list in my mind. You see I’m the type of individual that takes those extra precautions for my friends. Precautions like an extra jacket, munchies, and whatnots that I know my friends don’t remember to bring. Concluding that enough preparation was on hand, I kissed my dog goodbye and told her to watch the property that I’d be back late that night. Quick like I opened the gate and prepared for one of the greatest evening of my life. Carpe’ Diem baby!
A quick stop at the local gas station reminded me why I don’t get out more often! $4.20 for super, and willing to pay it just to keep that ethanol out of my tank for as long as the law will permit. Topping it off at a not so cool $70, but knowing that I won’t have any needs to refill, I called Jellybean.
Would I have guessed that the first question out of her mouth was “Did you bring me a sweatshirt so I won’t get cold?”, of course! I know she counts on me to take care of those things. Telling her I had it, and that I needed to make a quick stop at the bank and tobacco shop, I’d be there in about 45 minutes. Well I should have known she wouldn’t be at home as planned, love that spontaneousness of hers. Not only was she not at home, but she was over at a friends house in another town! And, there would be delays as her cloths where still in the dryer. No matter, I told her to take her time, after all that’s why we agreed to meet up 6 hours before the concert. See, I’ve been down this road before.
Making my quick stop at the bank’s drive through, I then proceeded to the store. Trying to touchdown from the coffee, I meandered throughout the store picking up a few items. First, some breath mints cause no one likes a cigarette mouth and I might need them for an undesired stop by an officer, know what I mean? Next some flint and fuel for my favorite Zippo lighter. Its one of three custom Zippos, got a 63′ split window corvette on it, and my other two best friends have the other two. So its a pretty special thing to me not to mention it goes great with my 1950’s chrome and rubber cigarette case. Anyways, got the flint and fuel, proceeded to the last item on my list…an item that Jellybean, earlier this year, suggested I add to my medicine cabinet. Got to love advice from a beautiful women who want to see you more successful with a beautiful women! Now to the checkout stand. Standing in line, noticed three chocolate bars for a dollar, and remembered the soothing effects on a female, I picked up three of them. Swipe, button button button button….button, thank you, you too, and I’m out of here.
Making better time that I thought I gave Jellybean a call to see how she was making in her progress. Hum, still needs another 20-30 minutes she tells me. Ok, no prob, I needed to eat something anyways. So setting the time and rendezvous point, I decided to head to Arby’s for a bite of something less than healthy.
Sweet, time and place at hand we met up and embraced each other with a four month awaited hug. So good to see her again. With a thirty minute drive still ahead of us, we migrated towards or mid destination. Fast forwarding from here its was pre-drinks at the West Side Tavern, a favorite watering hole of mine. Then a dash to the parking lot a few blocks away…grabbed the accessories for the show including those overpriced tickets that make another story in itself…and ran the remaining three blocks to the front gate. Awesome, where inside and laughing about the evening ahead. Jellybean’s a real big fan of Modest Mouse, me on the other hand am new to their sound, but giving it a go.
Front stage and a little to the right its going to be a party tonight! These guys rock! and we’re bouncing around with the few thousand teenagers surrounding us. Ok fast forward again, beer, screaming, beer, cigarette, screaming and cheering, pull her shirt back down - she loves Modest Mouse, more beer please! Ah its great to be alive!
Show’s over but the fun is rolling to hard to stop, so it’s back to the West Side to get some late night grub and another drink. Met up with some people that we met earlier and started the bar hop through downtown Bend…Now its getting close to the witching hour and I’m thinking about the drive home. But first a stop at 7 eleven for some more of those great tasting vanilla cigarettes and a six pack to finish the night off with. That’s where the PROST comes in.
On the inside of the bottle caps of Widmer Hefeweizen is A PROST. Perfect prost’s lay beneath each cap, describing the various moments of our ever so memorable evening. So what were those prost’s you ask? I leave you in suspense no more…
To Photocopying Body Parts!
To Words that Rhyme with Orange!
To Killing a Six Pack Just to Watch it Die!
To New Sheets on the Bed!
To Never Looking Back!
To Three Day Weekends!
To Starting the Weekend on Wednesday!
- Widmer Brothers Brewing Co.
36
have been accused of spousal abuse
7
have been arrested for fraud
19
have been accused of writing bad checks
117
have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3
have done time for assault
71,
repeat
71
cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14
have been arrested on drug-related charges
8
have been arrested for shoplifting
21
currently
are defendants in lawsuits
and
84
have been arrested for drunk driving
in
the last year
Can
you guess which organization this is?
NBA, NHL or NFL ?
Give
up yet? . . .
Neither,
it’s the 535 members of
the
United States
Congress.
The same group
of idiots
that crank out
hundreds of new laws
each year
designed to keep
the rest of us in line.
STATUTORY RAPE ?
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don’t.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
11. Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.
12. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.